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Your Guide To Workplace Etiquette

Meeting RoomMeeting Room

Workplace Etiquette

Workplace etiquette may seem like a no brainer to some, but not everyone has the same opinion on what is ‘okay’ in the workplace, and what is best left at home. With that being said, here are a few things that can help you improve your workplace etiquette before you get fired.

Interview Quietly

Most people prefer to hire quiet people. We don’t know why, or how they determine who’s quiet and who’s not, since everyone is fairly quiet in interviews due to sheer terror, but your best bet going into an interview is to turn your volume way down. I’m talking barely audible. You’ll know you’re doing a good job if the interviewer asks you to speak up (that’s interviewer code for, ‘man, this is the best candidate ever’).

Be Memorable

You don’t want to be the person that everyone at work forgets about, or you could get fired. Interviewing is best done quietly, but once you’re in the company, try to work your way up to what we in the industry call ‘a dull roar’. Frankly, the more people you can tell your interests to, the better off you are. You want them to remember you at all times, whether that’s in a meeting with your boss, or when they’re trying to sleep at night.

Help Others Stay On Time

Did you schedule a meeting in ‘Conference Room Alpha’, and now you’re there, waiting for the prior meeting to finish? You can do your coworkers a solid by walking into the room the second your meeting is scheduled to start and announcing your takeover. This way they can keep to the schedule, which will give them piece of mind. I wouldn’t be surprised if people were really grateful and offered to buy you lunch after doing this, since you’re such a great friend.

Have A Strong Work Ethic

It doesn’t matter if you’re too drunk to find your own belly-button, or so sick you think you might have ebola. A strong work ethic is key, no matter the cost. Your boss and fellow employees will be grateful that you always get your work done, even if it means they have to share in your illness, or watch you try to tickle an invisible monkey.

Be Confident In Your Answers

No one wants a wishy-washy coworker. You can avoid being wishy-washy by always sticking to your answer. It doesn’t matter if you’ve been proven wrong, or even if you are starting to doubt your own logic, stick to those guns. No one will take you seriously if every time a ‘correct’ answer arrives you change to that one. This will also be really good around evaluation time, since your boss will be confident you have all the right answers.


Workplace etiquette dictates that you should always get all your work done before anyone else. The best way to achieve this goal is by having ‘anyone else’ do your work for you! Simply find someone who has worked there shorter than you, or is gullible enough to do your bidding, and send them off to get your tasks accomplished. Sure, they might not have time for their own tasks now, but underlings are expendable. Who cares if they have a family and a mortgage.

Stay Current

Lastly, you should always stay up-to-date on the current goings-on through the tools of social media. I recommend spending at LEAST 2 hours each work day checking your various methods of communication with the outside world. Your boss and coworkers will thank you when you show them that never-before-seen footage of kittens building a tower, or find a magical dress that changes colors before their very eyes.

Did we miss anything? Let us know in the comments below.

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