One Kentucky state court is going to be handling a court case in which voter representation as we know it will be on the line. Rewind a bit, and we see that voting power for different districts is determined heavily by the number of people in that district (including children and illegal immigrants, but that’s beside the point). Recently a Green Party representative, Gregory Tatum*, has made his way into office and is seeking to shake up the landscape some.
“I look around and don’t see many people around me that really care about our environment. I think our environment isn’t being fairly represented because we only count humans, the leeches that destroy everything, when we determine the amount of representation for an area. I would like to propose that we consider trees when we determine voting power for a given district. This would allow nature the voter representation that it deserves.” – prepared speech by Gregory Tatum*
Gregory* is known for his controversial bills that he has backed in the past such as the “2007 Squirrel Healthcare Reform”, where he proposed that we should help with medical costs that are incurred by squirrels after our history of trying to maim and kill them. As well as his “2001 Referendum On Obese Kitties” which is pretty self explanatory — he wanted to outlaw fattening cat food to prevent them being eaten by strange cults.
This latest bill is called the “2016 Voter Distinction Plan”, and will work to increase voting strength of districts with more trees (except cottonwoods because those guys are jerks). Latinos are up in arms, because they believe this will take away additional voting power that they don’t yet have, but kind of wanted and urban hipsters are also understandably frustrated. In fact, we hit the streets to see what some of his constituents thought of his new plan.
“Dude, like, trees, bro. It’s like, yeah. And I think he’s gonna change things.” – He kept saying ‘Bacon’ when we asked who he was.
“I don’t want to deal with someone who thinks trees have rights. What happens if someone votes to make their property it’s own district, so it’s just them and a bunch of trees? They would get more voting power than downtown.” – Anne* (she had a lot of good points)
“Let’s get this straight, I liked trees before they were cool. That being said, this is dumb. Just because I like to live out of a storage crate that has been ‘re-imagined’ as a boxcar shouldn’t mean that my vote has less power.” – Andre* (we’re suspicious that he hasn’t liked trees that long)
So there you have it, people seem generally divided about the issue. There is a debate scheduled for whether the plan should go forward, but Gregory* has indicated that he will allow a tree to speak for him on the matter. We’re pretty confident that won’t go well.
* Name changed for anonymity