Joseline Rambart* was walking home from a local park one day when she spotted a tiny puppy peering out of a cardboard box on the side of the road. Both Joseline* and the puppy thought it was their lucky day! As she approached, the puppy warily watched her, before finally scampering out of the box to see what this new stranger was all about. After a few minutes of getting to know each other, they were fast friends, and they both headed back towards Joseline’s* downtown apartment.
“I couldn’t believe it.” recalls Joseline*, as we sat down to speak with her. “Good things like that never happen to me. I’ve always thought I was just ill-fated or something, though I was hoping to turn that around with this puppy. He was so cute, and kept trying to sneak up on my drapes. I was just glad I was the one who found him, and not one of those awful cucumber-toting pet owners.”
Joseline* kept fidgeting in her seat across the table, looking longingly outside as she continued. “We were both hungry obviously, and he needed some meat on his bones, so I got out some left-over ham from Thanksgiving and gave that to him, while I got a pot of water boiling.”
A loud buzzer sounds outside, which startles Joseline*, but only for a moment. We continue discussing the events and learn how the last few moments took place. As the puppy finished eating its ham, Joseline* scooped the puppy up in her arms, gave him a few soft pats on his head, and swiftly put him in the pot of boiling water. He was just a little too big to get the lid on, so she was left holding it and fighting to keep him inside the pot.
The restraints around Joseline’s* wrists are starting to chafe, and you can see she is none too pleased about that.
Soon after the puppy was put in the pot, Joseline’s* neighbor heard the puppies cries for help and came crashing through her door. Seeing a puppy in need, he shoved the pot onto the floor, which spilled it’s scalding contents all over Joseline* and simultaneously freed the puppy who retreated to an area behind the couch. The neighbor quickly restrained Joseline* before calling the police and PETA immediately.
Since then, Joseline* has been held in a local detention center, where she is still being treated for 2nd degree burns on her arms and torso (which is what makes the handcuffs chafe so bad we assume). She is expected to receive a life sentence for attempted murder. (remember that dogs have the same rights as people now.)
How did all this happen? Why are we sitting in a correctional facility talking to a deranged, puppy-eating monster? To raise awareness for a cult known only as “Puppy-Chow”. Their dark ways of eating puppies has been plaguing the earth for too long. The longer they are allowed to live in the shadows, the longer they can continue to ravage the puppy population in our country and our world.
Their belief that eating the flesh of young dogs gives them enhanced night vision and stronger tooth enamel, along with slightly longer lives, is insane. The very idea that eating a puppy could benefit you in any way is absurd. These people are crazy, and absolutely cannot be allowed to continue operating in this way.
If you or someone you love finds themselves trapped with a group of people that seem to want to eat puppies (or even try puppy meat) please let us know in the comments below (we’re working on setting up a hotline).
The puppy in this story escaped unharmed thanks to the quick reaction of the neighbor, as well as his fur coat which insulated him long enough to make his escape. He is now currently living with the neighbor who is a member of the much less sinister cult “Chicken Fingers”.
* Name changed for anonymity