Everyone knows that person who has everything, like literally EVERYTHING. In years gone by, you’ve turned to gift cards or even cash to let them just sort it out themselves. This year, take your gift-giving power back! We’ve created a list of unique gifts that are sure to impress (or at least surprise) anyone on your Christmas list this year.
Our Solution: The Gift List
#1 – Hyena
We guarantee that no one on your list has one of these already. Granted, they may not want one either, but at least you can say you gave them something they didn’t have. These beautiful creatures are easy to take care of and will help remove any rotting meat or small animals/pets on your friend or loved one’s lawn. Another benefit is that they are so happy! always laughing, and staring innocently at you while you eat or nap, leaves you feeling loved and wanted.
Complementary Gift: Rotting Meat
#2 – Lime Disease
This may be the cheapest thing on the list, since all you really need to do is track down some ticks or chiggers and let the games begin. It’s important to remember that not all of these little guys carry lime disease, so you should make sure to get a large number of them. Also, the itching sensation that accompanies their flesh-eating methods is best administered while your gift recipient is sleeping. Always allow 10-15 business days before re-application.
Complementary Gift: Margarita
#3 – Ugly Sweater
You can’t have too many of these, and if they get a duplicate, it almost enhances the ugliness. Make sure when purchasing that you get one made out of a very dense wool, like alpaca or yak; the itchier it is, the better quality it is. In the event you can’t find those materials, some stores will make them out of human back hair if you ask nicely and pay a small fee – trust me, it’s definitely worth it.
Complementary Gift: Paper Bag Mask
#4 – Cardboard Box
Everyone loves cardboard boxes, though no self-respecting person will go out and buy themselves one. If you’re too nervous to look like a weirdo buying a box, try going to a department store and buying some big boxed item, then your recipient gets the added bonus of a second gift! If you’re too cheap to buy them a new refrigerator to get them the box, a possible solution is to watch your neighbors porches, and when they order a large item, just wait until no one is looking and steal the box. Your neighbor will be a little confused why their washing machine came with no box, but that’s okay because confusion is good for the soul (right?).
Complementary Gift: Paper Bag Mask
#5 – Pictures of Their House
Is your friend or loved one frequently on road-trips or has a bad habit of forgetting where their house is? Most people buy a GPS in these situations, but let’s face it, everyone has that already. A great alternative is to take a bunch of pictures of their house, preferably from all angles and from different times of days and then make a photo album with it. Taking photos that actually have them in it is a great idea too, so wait until they are near a window to snap a few shots. It can be hard to do this in secret as neighbors hate the idea of such a great gift and tend to call the police, so stealthiness is key.
Complementary Gift: Security Camera (people generally buy this after receiving this gift anyways)
#6 – Ticket to Australia
I bet your friends and family have never been to Australia (unless that’s where you are reading this from, in which case just ignore this suggestion). Wouldn’t it be great to surprise them with a trip somewhere? Ignore all those posters that read “Australia: Where everything is trying to kill you.” and live a little! Your friends and family will love an opportunity to experience this beautiful land down under.
Complementary Gift: Gun, sword, bombs, or anything that can be used to protect yourself.
Let us know if you use any of the gifts in this guide, so we can hear how awesome they made your Christmas!