On the morning of January 11th, 2016, Joseph Jordon Jevitz* was walking home from a long night of not studying for his English Comps in the morning. He had been drinking heavily as well as taking several salty baths, or something like that, when he stumbled around the last corner on his way back to the house that his fraternity was battling the city to keep. It was hard to find sometimes, due to the city cutting the power off, since none of the tenants had any money to pay rent, or electricity, or water, or any other trifle that “normal” people worry about. About halfway down the sidewalk, he heard a rustling noise, that he dismissed as just leaves rustling, until out of nowhere a large black mass flew into his vision. It’s underbelly gleamed dimly white, like there was something stuck to it, but Joseph* was far too worried about defending himself. Rather than wait for this large, obviously dinosaur, thing to begin it’s ferocious attack, he grabbed the nearest weapon he could find: a wet newspaper. He began yelling and beating the creature with his newspaper and after moving to a more dominant position, he realized that this could be a huge find for the zoo, so he began formulating a plan to capture the pterodactyl as quickly as possible.
Joseph* began by removing his shirt, hoping that the show of fearlessness would cause the pterodactyl (a carnivorous predator) to become more docile, but it only seemed to agitate it more. He leapt forward and wrapped his shirt around the head of the creature, which was significantly smaller than he imagined they would be. With the pterodactyl now somewhat blind, he realized he needed to bind it’s wings before it flew away, so he decided to use his pants as a sort of restraint. His parents once scoffed that winning the “fastest pants off” award was “disgusting”, if only they could see how it had aided him here tonight. deftly removing his pants and tying them around the pterodactyl.
It should be noted that while this was taking place, it was roughly 3 degrees fahrenheit outside, which was quickly taking its toll on Joseph*, who after several minutes of exposure passed out in a puddle of sweat and what is believed to be vomit. As he blacked out, he was proud to say he had done his best to capture the creature and hoped that a responsible adult would follow behind him and finish the job, giving him all the credit, since he really did all the work. Unfortunately, when he awoke the next morning in a local hospital, no one could tell him what happened to the pterodactyl that he captured the night before.
If you or anyone you knows has seen a pterodactyl in captivity, please reach out to iTagLive so that we can refer you on to Joseph*.
* Name changed for anonymity
UPDATE: New footage has been released from one of the other area residents that shows the incident in question. It appears that Joseph* actually attacked an unarmed homeless man, and then preceded to strip naked and tie his clothes to the disoriented man. Police say there have not been charges filed yet, but the homeless man has said he really wants Joseph’s* shoes and was sad when he didn’t tie those to him as well.